We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
This is the first of the steps to deal with maintaining our sobriety. The Big Book says on page 85 that after we become sober
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
This article looks at the 10th-step inventory questions that should be asked.
Page 85 of the 12 x 12 says:
When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover that we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday’s and sometimes today’s excesses of negative emotion—anger, fear, jealousy, and the like.
One of the causes of drinking is emotional issues, and to stay sober, we need emotional sobriety and maintenance of our spiritual condition. Our typical response to emotional issues has been an issue in our daily lives for years. We handed over our character defects in step seven.
This step brings some of the previous step work into our daily lives, ensuring we constantly accept personal responsibility where appropriate. The Big Book says
We must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.
This is a constant necessity, as guilt can be devasting to the sober alcoholic. We review it to become a better person, not to berate ourselves over our defects of character.
The Big Book suggests the following questions:
We need to add anger and guilt. The items here can be divided into two areas: what we did and how we felt. Resentment, anger, fear, and guilt are how we feel. Selfishness and dishonesty are what we did.
The two are often interlinked, and one will follow the other. Selfishness results in dishonesty, which leads to guilt, which can lead to resentment. The cascade needs to be arrested before it overflows into risk.
Most times, we will owe an apology. There may sometimes be a reason that an apology is needed with an explanation. This makes the other person aware of the trigger, and they will hopefully avoid it. As an example, my son is on the autistic spectrum. Condemn autistic or other special needs people, and I will explode. Full stop. I apologize, but I will also let the other person know exactly where they went wrong.
This ties into the previous question. Often , speaking immediately leads to an apology and a discussion. I find that people are often amenable to discussions and that relationships can be strengthened.
Often not. We react like the proverbial bull to a red rag. We need as far as possible to recognize that others have the same feelings and triggers as we do, and, as we take stock of our emotional disturbances, realize, with empathy, that we are not alone in these disturbances.
This is generally true, but the real question is how could we have done better. This helps us pause the next time and reorient ourselves to avoid or attempt to avoid repetitions of such events. Sometimes we wonder how we will deal with some people and forget that we were such people.
This is not an immediate question to ask at the very moment of an incident. We ask it in our end-of-day reflection when we have time to consider things more deeply. This neatly brings us to the next section— when do we do this step?
There are essentially two times to ask these questions. It should form part of a daily reflection at the end of the day. It is vital that we set aside time with our Higher Power each day and take a daily inventory.
By reviewing our daily lives, we purge ourselves of negative emotions and can take corrective measures. As noted, the sixth question is really meant to be considered during this time. It also allows us
The other is the spot check inventory, done as soon as a need is perceived. If possible, we should address issues as they arise and not wait until the next day. Langston Hughes wrote:
What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore—And then run?
Change “dream” to “resolution,” and it reflects a common outcome for us.
Unresolved grievances and guilt can eat at us and fester, and to “resolve” it , we may run back to the bottle. As soon as we realize something has happened, we must think about it and resolve it as soon as possible.
The Big Book directs us to do the following after asking these questions”
We seek God’s forgiveness and ask, as we asked in step seven, that these problems be removed. This keeps us in conscious contact with our Higher Power. The whole aim of any step program out there is to develop and expand our conscious contact with God. Anytime, though, that we approach our Higher Power is a time of spiritual growth and a chance to grow in humility.
In step 5 we “admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Here In step ten, we do the same. When we recognize a mistake, we admit it to ourselves. When we ask the God of our understanding to remove the problem, we admitted it to God. Now, by discussing it with someone else, we admit it to someone else, and we close out the step 5 triumvirate.
It may not always be possible to make amends immediately but do it as quickly as possible as it brings closure to us and those we harmed. Often the longer taking amends makes us more likely to become intimidated and balk at the thought.
This fast-tracks us to step 12.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
This is the core of the 12 steps. It cascades the grace and freedom we have received in spiritual awakening to others who may be ready to receive it. It’s a beautiful thought. Where once we hurt others, we become healers. So now, after reflecting on our error, we look inward and see the good we are capable of.
There is no doubt that where the maintenance steps form part of daily practices. the chance of sustaining sobriety is improved. This is the first of those steps.
In various professions, reflection consists of two types which are reflected here. These are a reflection in action and reflection on action. Pausing to consider what has just happened is a reflection on the actions of our daily lives. The end-of-day review reflects how we practiced our daily lives just for today.
The net result of making this effort is to significantly avoid the likelihood of going back to our addiction. Think of what that means in big terms, not just for yourself but for your family, friends, and colleagues.
Note: Except where specified, all quotes are from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
